Today's Selected Audio:
[1] UFO Conspiracy Theorist John Greenwald Jr.-- Aliens!
[2] Hygiene Prep Time-- Rooming with Joel McHale this weekend caused the Aceman to ponder his own hygenic rituals.
[3] News Segment 1-- Adam's rant on Mexicans.
[4] Angel Adam, Devil Danny-- I think they took one complete call?
[5] Music Monday-- Songs you would most/least like to hear on the boy's car stereo who is picking up your daughter for her first date. Parts 1, 2, and 3.
[6] Dr. Alter-- Adam has had Botox? Prettyboy. A pre-op calls in, concerned her future vagina might close up if she doesn't use it.

Quote Of The Day
During the vibrator call-in segment, Teresa told the tale of an ex-boyfriend who was solely focused on getting a dildo rammed up his own keister. After she broke up with him she had to return his things that were in her apartment. She felt strange returning the dildo with all the other items, as if she was being passive-aggressive in doing so.

Adam: Either way, you putting it in a potato gun and firing it through his parents' living room window was, in hindsight being 20/20, probably a little bit passive-aggressive.


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Vibrator Call In-- Adam remarked how there has been a major shift in women's attitude about vibrator ownership during the years, from total shame to complete openess. Danny's girlfriend calls in; she bought hers after comparison shopping in Consumer Reports.
[2] Irks And Quirks-- What little things irritate you?
[3] David Alan Grier-- Part 1, 2, and 3.

Quote Of The Day
Surprise, surprise. It comes from the Home Improvement segment. A caller seeked some advice involving a bathroom door with a hollow core.

"We have a lot of building codes... why not make a code that says bathrooms need the solid-core door? We were talking about how you're on that third date with that special someone, it's looking like it could go well, except for you guys had Mexican annnnnnnnd now you have a little nerve gas goin' because there's the anticipation of intimacy, and maybe you had a couple of glasses of wine, and it's time to use their bathroom in their very small one bedroom apartment where they pulled the carpet out last week and had the hardwood floors redone, so you have that nice two-inch gap beneath the bathroom door that was undercut to clear the carpet... AND it's a hollow-core door?? And you're sitting on the pot, you're running the shower AND the sink AND you're banging on the toilet lid with a wooden spoon just to try and drown out whatever's going on?

"Do you know that hollow-core doors going over tile floors actually AMPLIFIES sound? A fart that was formerly a four and a half is now a NINE. It's like somebody set up a rack of AMPS where the door was and just (makes massive explosion sound with his mouth)..."

Amen.


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Ralphie May-- The fat guy from Last Comic Standing tells a good story about how he started his comedy career involving Sam Kenison.
[2] Terrence Howard-- Yeah, that actor who said that he dumps chicks if they don't use baby wipes.
[3] Rachel Dratch-- SNL chick I dig.
[4] Ranting On Rome-- Adam talks about how his substitute hosting went on Jim Rome's show. And Danny's late yet again.
[5] Ray-enactment

Quote Of The Day
Adam got somewhat controversial today when he said that he's surprised that there isn't MORE gay bashing than there is now. Because of how disgusting most men find the act of two guys doing each other to be. Read my mind.

Not that he endorses that kind of thing. He made sure that his views were made crystal clear on the subject:

"I'm open minded, but close behind-ed."


That slogan could probably get him elected anywhere. Except maybe San Francisco.


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Gay Porn-- The full discussion here.
[2] Women And Gay Porn-- When Teresa said that one of her female friends favorite kind of porn is gay porn, Adam thought that was bizarre and strange. So he asked chicks to call in who shared that same love.
[3] Gaywalking-- What inspired those first two segments and got pushed back to the end of the show.
[4] Recap Of The Flava Flav Roast-- Down and dirty humor, in honor of America's favorite icon.
[5] Danny Late Again-- So Adam talks about his strange rich man problems. He has to take his dog to the dentist.
[6] Hanson-- Remember them?
[7] Jeff Lewis-- Star of the new real estate reality show, Flipping Out.

Quote Of The Day
A caller's vindictive ex-girlfriend was so livid she took a knife and STABBED his car.

"It breaks my heart when an American car gets stabbed, you know. Swedish car, no big deal, Japanese, German car...

"Don't stab one of those Mexican cars, like a Festiva. It'll come back at you."

Happy birthday, Red Bull. Keep getting better.


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] What Can't Adam Complain About?-- Not the best go-round, but always a whiny pleasure.
[2] At The Point Of Separation-- Inspired by Danny's ex-girlfriend's destroying his MySpace on the way out the door, calls are taken from people who have amazing tales of spurned exes going crazy. Parts 1 and 2.
[3] Music Monday-- Ringtones to be hella proud or embarrassed to put on your cellphone. Parts 1 and 2.
[4] Supergroupie Pamela Des Barres

Quote Of The Day

"Look, here's the deal: when you want something, you can get it. We always talk about drug addicts-- there's nothing more expensive than cocaine. Just dig this thought-- per ounce it's more than gold, it sure the hell is more than lobster... It's the most expensive weighted substance on the planet. And the POOREST people, the people with no job, whose family has disowned them years ago, are able to connect with the world's most expensive substance.

"Thus, when you want to do something, you will get it DONE."


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Lisa Lampanelli And The News-- The Queen Of Mean sits in during the news segment.
[2] Cuba Gooding Jr. And Lisa Lampanelli
[3] On The Gay Side Of Life-- Adam believes that there's no way that 10% of the population is gay. I did too, sorta; I figure they're counting every bi chick.
[4] Waiting For Chad-- Footballer Chad Johnson doesn't show up, so instead Adam talks about a pet peeve of many.
[5] Still Waiting For Chad-- Adam does a Jim Rome impersonation.
[6] The Two Faces Of Opie And Anthony-- East coast morning show DJs apparently called Adam a douchebag the other day; yet when they hung out together one time they got along swimmingly.
[7] Assful Of These Names-- Know somebody whose name pisses you off?
[8] I'm More Ghetto Than You Are-- Will white people start giving their kid black names, or vice versa?
[9] A Dash Of Spice-- Review of Scary Spice on Larry King, talking about her and Eddie Murphy's bastard lovechild.

Quote Of The Day
"Molestation is the gift that keeps giving. It's really like getting the Beer Of The Month, or The Nuts Of The Month, every month you get a new gift. It's like Molestation Of The Month Club, you get a gift for the rest of your life.

"Oh sure this guy got his filthy paws on you when you were 9. Now you're 35, and you're living with a 300 pound cat at your parents' house."


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Mr. Brightside-- Adam cheers up callers who are facing depressing predicaments.
[2] Huell Houser-- Huell visits a majestic place known as the UC Davis campus.
[3] Resolving The Conflict-- How can the U.S. become more likable to the Middle East?
[4] Judge Cicconetti-- You know that judge that comes up with all those bizarre setences? Here he be.
[5] Thoughts From The Kitchen-- Adam shares some thoughts about radio that hit him in the kitchen area.
[6] Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On-- Opening segment, discussing the earthquake that hit last night.
[7] Cory Feldman