Quote Of The Day
At the show's outset Teresa ended up in a pile of tears, sharing the news that the man she had hoped to rekindle relations with is now indeed taken. She handled the loss with the proper showing of sportsmanship.

"I want him to be happy, because I love him and care about him... but part of me just wants her to be fat."

Hope you feel better soon, funny girl.


[1] T's On-Air Breakdown

Quote Of The Day: Fixing A Common Idiotic Quote
Danny remembered on his Dr. Phil appearance Gretchen had told him that "Danny wants to have his cake and eat it too." His reply?

"Well what the hell is the point of cake? Why would you ever HAVE cake... and not eat it too?"

Adam said that the original saying had "eat" and "have" the other way around. Somehow they got transposed. He thought whoever was responsible for the change should be kicked in the nuts.


Hmm. The official show blog hasn't had much to say either the past couple days. Guess everybody is in some post-Memorial Day weekend funk.

Quote Of The Day
Adam felt he had to bring the light of darkness when Danny got excited telling everybody how he and his divorcing ex-wife have never been better friends than they are now.

"It's like when... you didn't get along with a couple of co-workers, but your transfer came through and you're going to the Cinncinnati office in three weeks, and usually the last three weeks are spent sort of, hmm... knowing you're out of there. Sort of like when a roommate's leaving who you didn't get along with but you have a couple more weeks left? And then you burn all their crap the last day."


Danny: About having sex in my own home... the rule was flat out, no men or women in this house of any kind who aren't under our employ.
Adam: So you could bring hookers home?

Sweet, sweet loopholes. Loopholes being my nickname for prostitutes of course.


Is it me or did the show blow S today? Hmm, could just be me. My grandmother died on Wednesday so maybe my humor gauge still is faulty.

We were very close. In fact the taking care of her was going to justify listening to four hours of radio in the morning for the best quotes possible.

Don't know what's coming up. We shall see.


Sunday was Adam's birthday. Happy birthday, sir.

Quote Of The Day

"I bake with love... and when I say 'love' I mean I use my juice as shortening."

Quote Of The Day
A former tabloid reporter was interviewed. She related a story about Don Johnson sneaking out on his wife, buying porn, then checking into a hotel room and leaving after thirty minutes. After more research, she found out it was GAY porn. Not that that means anything...

"You know what I always say... where there's smoke, there's Fire Island."

Quote Of The Day: Advice For Those Emerging From The Closet
"I expect to have that conversation with my son in about twenty years where he goes, 'Dad, good news and bad news. Bad news: I'm gay. Good news: I'm a top.'"

Hey, it's something I guess. Show him who's boss, son.


Danny's Doppelganger
Danny: Do you know how close you were to working with Donny Most (of Happy Days fame) when you came back from vacation?
Adam: I thought you were Donny Most for the first four weeks. The red hair, you were well-spoken...
Teresa (to Adam, in disbelief): That's not Potsie?
Adam: It's Boozie, actually.


Ode To John Candy
"I was thinking last night... the idea that a big huge fat guy's last name was Candy...and then later on I was talking to someone about Bob Barker's love of dogs, and I thought, well for Christ's sake, his last name is BARKER, he speaks their language."

Teresa chimed in to say whenever she goes to therapy she sees another psychiatrist's placard on the door to a nearby office, Dr. Bitter. Danny says Gretchen's old gynocologist was named Dr. Goo.


Yet Another Live Commercial I Enjoyed
Maybe someone else will strongly relate as well--

"What was our obsession with the color avacado? The refrigerators, the washing machines... everything was avacado green in 1973. WRETCHED, baby!"


Recommended:
[1] Mr. Brightside-- Ahhh, seems like forever since they've done this, another one of my favorite bits. The premise? Instead of being his usual pessimistic self, Adam takes phone callers with problems and turns their frowns upside down. In this installment Sara is turning 30 and because of her fiancee's self-absorption is having to make her birthday plans herself, Chipper is divorcing from the only woman he's ever been with, and Rebecca's stepdad's debt to the I.R.S. is financially destroying her mother despite being divorced (Fun fact topping: Daddy incurred said debt BEFORE their marriage).

[2] News Segment 1-- Damn, I thought Alcoa really sponsored Definitely Not A Jew. Not that I thought they were aware their name was being used during that particular bit. Animals in Denver are getting the plague, hens are turning into whores. Why Adam will advise his daughter to have sex immediately with her dates.

[3] Bernard Hopkins-- So Rocky Balboa was crazy sci-fi, hmm? Here's a boxer about ten years younger and still competing with the best. The unheard of is getting louder and louder. One more generation to go and the elderly will inherit the earth.

[4] Jorge Garcia-- Lost fans, your favorite starving fat dude called in for an interview.

Quotes Of The Day
Teresa: Is Ozzie at your home every single day, would you say?
Adam: It feels like more.

"Here's the thing about Three's Company...Furley was too uptight to think about a single guy living with two single chicks, but he was alright with the fagala living downstairs? Didn't that seem like flawed logic in 1979?"

My world has been shattered.

During the Music Monday festivities a guy calls in with a Grateful Dead song as his pick. Adam sniffs out a potsmoking hippie on the other end and indeed, the man admits he is already high this morning. After fielding some guesses about his occupation, he instead offers a vague description--

Adam: Now are you going to work today? Where are you going to work?
Caller: Yes I am... I'm going to brush some wax on some iron at a client's house.
Adam: Nice...so that's what they call a handy these days.

Even In The Commercials
While promoting TNT's basketball playoff game tonight, Teresa remarks how she loves Charles Barkley. Which set Adam to wondering...

"If a black guy does the color commentary, is that racist?"

If you add an "ed" at the end for the occasion when you introduce him, definitely.


Reccommended:
[1] Music Monday-- songs you would use to impart life lessons to your kids. Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

[2] The Gallagher Interview-- Part 1 focuses on Kill Gallagher, an actual movie that Jimmy and Adam pitched a few years back, which Adam describes as "The Gods Must Be Crazy goes to Vegas". Jimmy soon learned that Gallagher liked to suspend his little kid from the ceiling via rope. In Part 2 Gallagher clears up all the confusion about his brother who was doing his act for awhile. Then he takes some more crazy pills and starts feverishly talking about his idea of building these orgy/family reunion centers.

[3] Ozzie And Ray Review Shrek The Third-- Ray interviews fellow moviegoers as Ozzie; more neanderthal stories of his and Adam's youth.

[4] News Segment 1-- Stallone convicted of possession of sterioids, VH1's list of the sexiest nerdboys.

Quote Of The Day
Comedian Craig Shoemaker was in during the first hour. He said growing up in Philadelphia he had a football coach named Ralph Carolla, whose claim to fame was that in the team photo one year he accidentally had his nutsack swinging out and about from his tight shorts. Adam said while he didn't know much at all about his family lineage, he did know his father had a brother named Ralph, and that he indeed lived in Philly.

Adam: We do have prodigous sacks, that is one thing... check the crest, check the coat of arms, it's right there.


Time For RewritesCollin Quinn hit the seat after Henry Rollins. After some comments about how evasive Henry was about some things, Collin declared he himself was an "open book", he would answer anything and everything. After a few rounds of Q&A like this--

Teresa: Who was your favorite that guest starred on SNL while you were there?
Collin: I don't know... I can't remember.
Danny: Apparently he's an open book that he hasn't bothered to read.


Off F
Danny: I've been seeing a couple girls and one is very bright, and she ended a sentence in a preposition and I corrected her in the car.
Teresa: That is something up which I will not put.
Danny: And she said the exact same thing, God bless her.
Hmm, I never heard that one before. Good to know. The only thing I hate more than outdated dopey English rules are the Kelsey Grammers of the world that go around trying to enforce them. I bet contractions were against the law at some point as well.

Clip Recommendations:
[1] Breaking The Cycle-- If you love the little stories this is where it's at. Adam illustrates his family's odd indifference. If I ever became famous I think my father would react much like his; I can't imagine being part of a whole family unit that operates like this. Danny then shares his own experiences as Adam tries to figure out just how the redheaded monster was created.

[2] Henry Rollins Interview-- Part 1 and Part 2

[3] Collin Quinn Interview-- Part 1 and Part 2

[4] Craig Shoemaker Interview-- As someone who watches a lot of standup I hadn't heard of this guy since he hosted Comic Strip Live in the late 80s/early 90s. Parts 1 and 2.

Quotes Of The Day

"I feel like Buffalo would be a good place to go if you were fat. It's not called Skinnyburg, it's Buffalo... it's not Waifville, it's Buffalo. I would put on fifty pounds just going to Buffalo just because I lived in a town named after a huge bison."

A rapper guy called in and said he wanted to go to Danny's bachelor party so he could have access to the "overflow" of women, aka the unlucky hordes of chicks that would be rejected and not get to become the next Mrs. Bonaduce.

Adam: And by the way, I know this is the guy from The Man Show and I've made my living off of misogyny, but I don't really appreciate the term "overflow". I would prefer to think of them as human beings and sloppy seconds."

New Nickname For T's V that sprung up in the middle of the news: 'Tard Prison.


Recommendations:
[1] Teresa's Date Report-- She went out with Suitor #1 from yesterday's show, and despite saying otherwise doesn't seem so thrilled at the prospect of a 2nd go-round. Crank Yankers calls kicks the segment off (Wanda Sykes + a replay of Dave Chappelle's awesome call, although he ain't the reason why).

Caller: T, you are a type 'B' personality, you need a type 'A' personality to balance you out. Danny is a type 'A plus' personality...
Adam: So far I get 'A'-hole and 'B'itch.

[2] Lisa Lampanelli Interview-- The Queen Of Mean calls in and everyone argues up a strong case against personal happiness and fulfillment.

[3] Deborah Norville Interview-- Chosen because of another old Crank Yanker moment that begins the segment, Birchim trying to land a security guard gig.

Quote Of The Day: The You Too
I can't stand when I do this kind of thing.

John Ratzenberger (aka Cliff Clavin, booted off Dancing With The Stars, now host of Made In America) called in. As the interview began Adam accidentally told him to say "good hi" to Danny and Teresa.

Cliff: You know early in the morning you say things like that, huh? When the waitress says "Enjoy your meal" and you say "you too"...
Danny: Dude I hate that, I HATE the inappropriate you too.
Adam: Yeah, I do that in the airport... "Have a safe flight..." "YOU TOO!", to the groundsguy-- who's not going anywhere but back to his crappy apartment in Burbank?

If there's ever a Seinfeld reunion show...

Clip Recommendations--
[1] Now Walk To Work-- Adam introduces his one year old daughter to the wonders of capitalism.

[2] John Ratzenberger Interview-- A good discussion about how mechanical people are making art too.

[3] Ways To Beat A Ticket-- Callers offer some creative, unconventional advice on the subject.

[4] Screening For T's V-- Show booker Mike August offers up the first potential suitor for Teresa, who pays dearly for his interest.

[5] Crank Yankers-- Birchim the bounty hunter.

Quotes Of The Day
Adam not being funny, just giving good sound advice that I've never heard a professional therapist or psychiatrist offer, that should probably be a lot more popular--

"If you get busted cheating and the person says, 'I need to hear every gory detail of what went on intimately between you and the person you cheated with (how long, what position, where and when)'... it's over. Because whether you get another two years out of the relationship or not, those vivid details will never leave the person's head. You do NOT want that. And if they're asking for details, you should not give them details. And if you do give them the details, that means it's over, the clock is ticking."

The subject reared its head again during today's "Angel Adam, Devil Danny" segment when a caller had the dilemma of a remarried ex who wanted to cheat with him... but the catch was her husband had been in a major car accident. The Devil shot his wad early in the middle of teasing it going to commercial--

Danny: Real fast, if he's paralyzed, have sex with her right next to him.

Ah, the demonic bar is raised yet again.


Clip Recommendations:
[1] Pamela Druckerman Interview-- Author of Lust In Translation: The Rules Of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee calls in for an interesting conversation about monogamy and cheating around the world.

[2] Infidelity Phone Calls 1-- Begins with Teresa shocking everybody when she says she's cheated in every relationship she's been in. Adam easily adjusts this new tidbit to fit right into her psychological profile.

[3] Infidelity Phone Calls 2

[4] Infidelity Phone Calls 3-- A three year old busts his mom. C blocker.

Quote Of The Day
For the Music Monday segment Teresa chose "If You Leave" as one of the songs she would want to hear at her prom (shockingly she didn't go to hers despite wanting to very badly). The song led into a discussion about Pretty In Pink, which in turn led to much laughter about how one in every three movies in the 80s was about some teenage girl being ostracized and declared off limits by her pursuer's jock buddies because she's not rich or "from the right side of the tracks". Bonaduce deftly reestablished the reality and strict social order of high school humping--

Danny: She doesn't have to be from the wrong side of the tracks, she could actually be laying ON the tracks with the train coming and if you have time to finish, she's from the right side of the tracks.


Clip Recommendations:
[1] Mother's Day Recap-- Adam and Danny recount the pain of yesterday . Also a good rant somewhere in the middle about the devaluation of gift certificates. Then some talk about the sad state of having someone in your family that you have to get gifts for that is among the "constant disappointment people"-- sheesh, I actually think I'm one of them. I know my father is, last Christmas I got him a new tv and his reaction was much like Carolla's description of his dad's gung ho reaction.
[2] Mom Horror Stories-- Hey, your mom might be bad...but at least she didn't BITE you.
[3] Music Monday-- Listen to the full 80s school class warfare spiel here, located about a third of the way in I believe. Adam had much to add.

Quote Of The Day

Adam, Teresa, and Danny all brought in their most horrific reviews they've received from critics so we all could laugh at them. When reviewing The Man Show in 1999, Tom Shales had this piece of constructive observation for Carolla:

"He looks like he's reached the third or fourth plateau in poor Larry Talbot's transformation into a werewolf."


Clip Recommendations:
[1] Adam's Mother's Day Dilemma-- Lordy, us men are just the worst at giving any kind of gift that requires self-sacrifice.
[2] Booking For T's V-- Jimmy Kimmel's been hanging out with Howard Stern too long to be able to come up with this idea. Unlike Stern however he softened it up to actually interest Teresa, instead of making it more disgusting and offering her a heaping pile of cash.

Quote Of The Day
America's favorite honky Wayne Brady came into the studio for an interview. As they talked expensive cars, Wayne said he was thinking of buying a Maserati Quattroporte.

Adam: Quattroporte is one of those names that sounds good to us-- in Italian it means "four holes"... Just like the Chupakapra sounds cool here but it just means "goat sucker" in Spanish.
Wayne: Which would be a cool car name.
Adam: The Maserati Goatsucker...


Clip Recommendations--
[1] News Segment 1-- leaked new Guns N' Roses music toward the end. Expect the finished produced somewhere around 2111.

Quote Of The Day: At Least Somebody's Fooled
Tranny Caller: I'm what you call, stealth? Which means that people don't know that I'm a transsexual because it's not any of their business, but...
Adam: Right... "stealth" means YOU don't know people know you're a transsexual.


Wooh, great show.

Clip Recommendations:
[1] Huell Howser Hits His Boredom Limit!-- In the middle of his oddyssey through some insane woman's "bunny museum", even Huell cannot sustain any interest. Teresa summed it up best: "I have learned that the line between shut-in and curator is very blurry."

[2] Dr. Alter Segment 2-- I've never been a fan of Dr. Alter interviews, but today's discussion of transsexuality was rather enlightening. Around seven minutes in Adam and Co. get going.

[3] Burning Bonaduce-- Danny relates his and his family's having to be evacuated from their home last night because of the latest California wildfire.

Hmm, no quotes today. Nothing that caught my fancy, anyway.

Clip Recommendations:
[1] News Segment 1 -My favorite Danny story, much different than most he's told-- Bonaduce arrested for...skipping?

Quote Of The Day
Danny: There's a ton of messages while I was gone from my divorce lawyer, who I like saying his name cause he'll charge me less, so Adam Sax, he's been advertising it...
Adam: My new porn name, by the way.

Once again, spelled differently.


Clip Recommendations:
[1] News Segment 1-- Around six minutes in and after listening to the new drunken David Hasslehoff video taken from his daughter's camera phone, Adam devises a way for celebrities to protect their privacy from their children.
[2] Drunken Vomit Stories-- No drunkeness or vomit by around 9:20 of this clip, where Adam tells a story about borrowing his sister's piece of S Dodge Dart. I may be biased however, since my father drove one until the day he retired.
[3] Ozzy And Ray's Spiderman 3 Review-- Adam rants a little about the nerdification of America.

Remote Control: San Diego Cinco De Mayo Celebration
Live remotes might be slightly more horrible than Best Ofs, I'm not sure. Get back to me on that.

The show is never on the top of his game for them. I don't know if that's because they don't enjoy them that much, the partying crowd is too distracting, not being in their comfortable 2nd home in the studio, the time difference... Egh, that said, this one had some moments.
Earlier on there was a Bonaduce-Off, since Danny was absent due to his having to attend a funeral in Philly. The guy who won, Doug, was hit-and-miss with his improv and impersonation, but overall you'd have to say he was a lot funnier than most regular people who find themselves on the radio.

So much so that at the end of the show they did a regular segment with him, "Angel Adam, Fake Devil Danny". While overall he wasn't near an approximation of everyone's favorite redheaded Satan, he did come up with a demonic nugget for a man who wanted advice about cheating on his wife--

Fake Danny: Here's what you want to do... I hooked up once with Marcia Brady it was some of the best fun I ever had. I want you to drive up to L.A., find Marcia Brady, take your ring, melt it into a bullet, shoot your wife, and then have a threesome.

Hmm. On second pass if he meant a threesome with his dead wife's corpse, well, move over Satan, there's a new Beezelbub [?] in town.

Clip Reccommendations--
[1] Dave Chappelle And Home Improvement -- Opens with a clip of Dave Chappelle guesting on Crank Yankers posing as a member of the Wu Tang Clan trying to book the posse at this poor old lady's Bed & Breakfast. After that take a listen to the 2nd worst radio bit in morning show history, freakin home improvement questions.

MAYBE I could understand if they did the segment at the very end or start of the show... but always around the morning rush??? My inner program director would've put the kibosh on this months ago. Even Huell Howser falls asleep.

As if that wasn't bad enough....whose bright idea was to whip it out in the middle of a Cinco De Mayo rager??

I hear Bob Villa is doing one of his upcoming shows at a rave.

[2] Ray's Story -- Adam prefaced his buddy's tale by saying it's the most disgusting, degrading, debasing thing you'll ever hear... and I think he might be right. Starts a little ways in after an interview via cellphone craps out to fill time. Concludes here at the beginning of the second news segment.

[3] The Bonaduce-Off

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Quote Of The Day
Joel McHale dropped by to bust his Soup clips. Adam rags on him because of his extraordinarily colorful footwear. He was stupified this week that Joel somehow upped the ante, as was everybody else--

Teresa: It looks like the cable went out on your shoes.

Adam called it "the first shoe made specifically for manning a gloryhole".

Clip Reccommendations:
[1] Joel McHale Segment 1-- Shoe gayness and a good Billy Baldwin rant, and some interesting TV clips in audio;
[2] Joel McHale Segment 3-- Adam discusses his plan to deal with people who watch Lifetime movies (don't worry, you're safe Grandma), hear the nutjob a-hole behind Springer, and get a taste of the next new reality tv star, currently hosting Atlanta's Vagina Power on cable access.

Quote Of The Day
Danny: Because I will tell you... and it's one of my favorite things I've ever heard... "there's no pain like chick pain", nothing hurts like a broken heart.
Adam: I thought you meant a Brazilian wax.

Invention Of The Day
Adam is known for his many inventions. Another one came to him during the second news segment, as Teresa was talking about Courtney Love's latest post on her website--

Adam: And the good news is too she has a computer that has a program in it called WordSlurfick. She can actually slur on the computer. Most people can't sound drunk on the computer...as high as Bonaduce gets his computer still can do the spell check and figure things out.

He then modified his idea so that it will work the other way as well, aka translate drunken speech into coherence. Of course Danny fell in love with the project. He said when he was writing his autobiography he drank while he used voice recognition software to get it down, and when the computer could no longer understand him after a few that's when he had to call it a day.


I know he only got 1 percent of the vote, but I thought Eddie Griffin should've won the Outbook August competition. Not because he was such a great catch-- I just loved how he busted every conspiracy theory on the planet and then said how ridiculous it was how some suspected he crashed that fancy car in that race to get free publicity for Redline.

The ratings are up! Looks like Adam will be a morning fixture for some time to come.

Clip Recommendations:
[1] Angel Adam, Devil Danny-- One of my favorites, the bit Bonaduce was born to play.
[2] Crazy Dreams-- Towards the end is why, a little after Danny shares some of his divorce pain. Bear rapes and Adam's tranny fantasies.