Monday, August 20, 2007

Today's Selected Audio:
[1] UFO Conspiracy Theorist John Greenwald Jr.-- Aliens!
[2] Hygiene Prep Time-- Rooming with Joel McHale this weekend caused the Aceman to ponder his own hygenic rituals.
[3] News Segment 1-- Adam's rant on Mexicans.
[4] Angel Adam, Devil Danny-- I think they took one complete call?
[5] Music Monday-- Songs you would most/least like to hear on the boy's car stereo who is picking up your daughter for her first date. Parts 1, 2, and 3.
[6] Dr. Alter-- Adam has had Botox? Prettyboy. A pre-op calls in, concerned her future vagina might close up if she doesn't use it.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Quote Of The Day
During the vibrator call-in segment, Teresa told the tale of an ex-boyfriend who was solely focused on getting a dildo rammed up his own keister. After she broke up with him she had to return his things that were in her apartment. She felt strange returning the dildo with all the other items, as if she was being passive-aggressive in doing so.

Adam: Either way, you putting it in a potato gun and firing it through his parents' living room window was, in hindsight being 20/20, probably a little bit passive-aggressive.


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Vibrator Call In-- Adam remarked how there has been a major shift in women's attitude about vibrator ownership during the years, from total shame to complete openess. Danny's girlfriend calls in; she bought hers after comparison shopping in Consumer Reports.
[2] Irks And Quirks-- What little things irritate you?
[3] David Alan Grier-- Part 1, 2, and 3.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Quote Of The Day
Surprise, surprise. It comes from the Home Improvement segment. A caller seeked some advice involving a bathroom door with a hollow core.

"We have a lot of building codes... why not make a code that says bathrooms need the solid-core door? We were talking about how you're on that third date with that special someone, it's looking like it could go well, except for you guys had Mexican annnnnnnnd now you have a little nerve gas goin' because there's the anticipation of intimacy, and maybe you had a couple of glasses of wine, and it's time to use their bathroom in their very small one bedroom apartment where they pulled the carpet out last week and had the hardwood floors redone, so you have that nice two-inch gap beneath the bathroom door that was undercut to clear the carpet... AND it's a hollow-core door?? And you're sitting on the pot, you're running the shower AND the sink AND you're banging on the toilet lid with a wooden spoon just to try and drown out whatever's going on?

"Do you know that hollow-core doors going over tile floors actually AMPLIFIES sound? A fart that was formerly a four and a half is now a NINE. It's like somebody set up a rack of AMPS where the door was and just (makes massive explosion sound with his mouth)..."


Amen.


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Ralphie May-- The fat guy from Last Comic Standing tells a good story about how he started his comedy career involving Sam Kenison.
[2] Terrence Howard-- Yeah, that actor who said that he dumps chicks if they don't use baby wipes.
[3] Rachel Dratch-- SNL chick I dig.
[4] Ranting On Rome-- Adam talks about how his substitute hosting went on Jim Rome's show. And Danny's late yet again.
[5] Ray-enactment

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Quote Of The Day
Adam got somewhat controversial today when he said that he's surprised that there isn't MORE gay bashing than there is now. Because of how disgusting most men find the act of two guys doing each other to be. Read my mind.

Not that he endorses that kind of thing. He made sure that his views were made crystal clear on the subject:

"I'm open minded, but close behind-ed."


That slogan could probably get him elected anywhere. Except maybe San Francisco.


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Gay Porn-- The full discussion here.
[2] Women And Gay Porn-- When Teresa said that one of her female friends favorite kind of porn is gay porn, Adam thought that was bizarre and strange. So he asked chicks to call in who shared that same love.
[3] Gaywalking-- What inspired those first two segments and got pushed back to the end of the show.
[4] Recap Of The Flava Flav Roast-- Down and dirty humor, in honor of America's favorite icon.
[5] Danny Late Again-- So Adam talks about his strange rich man problems. He has to take his dog to the dentist.
[6] Hanson-- Remember them?
[7] Jeff Lewis-- Star of the new real estate reality show, Flipping Out.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Quote Of The Day
A caller's vindictive ex-girlfriend was so livid she took a knife and STABBED his car.

"It breaks my heart when an American car gets stabbed, you know. Swedish car, no big deal, Japanese, German car...

"Don't stab one of those Mexican cars, like a Festiva. It'll come back at you."


Happy birthday, Red Bull. Keep getting better.


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] What Can't Adam Complain About?-- Not the best go-round, but always a whiny pleasure.
[2] At The Point Of Separation-- Inspired by Danny's ex-girlfriend's destroying his MySpace on the way out the door, calls are taken from people who have amazing tales of spurned exes going crazy. Parts 1 and 2.
[3] Music Monday-- Ringtones to be hella proud or embarrassed to put on your cellphone. Parts 1 and 2.
[4] Supergroupie Pamela Des Barres

Friday, August 10, 2007

Quote Of The Day

"Look, here's the deal: when you want something, you can get it. We always talk about drug addicts-- there's nothing more expensive than cocaine. Just dig this thought-- per ounce it's more than gold, it sure the hell is more than lobster... It's the most expensive weighted substance on the planet. And the POOREST people, the people with no job, whose family has disowned them years ago, are able to connect with the world's most expensive substance.

"Thus, when you want to do something, you will get it DONE."



Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Lisa Lampanelli And The News-- The Queen Of Mean sits in during the news segment.
[2] Cuba Gooding Jr. And Lisa Lampanelli
[3] On The Gay Side Of Life-- Adam believes that there's no way that 10% of the population is gay. I did too, sorta; I figure they're counting every bi chick.
[4] Waiting For Chad-- Footballer Chad Johnson doesn't show up, so instead Adam talks about a pet peeve of many.
[5] Still Waiting For Chad-- Adam does a Jim Rome impersonation.
[6] The Two Faces Of Opie And Anthony-- East coast morning show DJs apparently called Adam a douchebag the other day; yet when they hung out together one time they got along swimmingly.
[7] Assful Of These Names-- Know somebody whose name pisses you off?
[8] I'm More Ghetto Than You Are-- Will white people start giving their kid black names, or vice versa?
[9] A Dash Of Spice-- Review of Scary Spice on Larry King, talking about her and Eddie Murphy's bastard lovechild.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Quote Of The Day
"Molestation is the gift that keeps giving. It's really like getting the Beer Of The Month, or The Nuts Of The Month, every month you get a new gift. It's like Molestation Of The Month Club, you get a gift for the rest of your life.

"Oh sure this guy got his filthy paws on you when you were 9. Now you're 35, and you're living with a 300 pound cat at your parents' house."



Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Mr. Brightside-- Adam cheers up callers who are facing depressing predicaments.
[2] Huell Houser-- Huell visits a majestic place known as the UC Davis campus.
[3] Resolving The Conflict-- How can the U.S. become more likable to the Middle East?
[4] Judge Cicconetti-- You know that judge that comes up with all those bizarre setences? Here he be.
[5] Thoughts From The Kitchen-- Adam shares some thoughts about radio that hit him in the kitchen area.
[6] Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On-- Opening segment, discussing the earthquake that hit last night.
[7] Cory Feldman

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Quote Of The Day
"We're not worried about survival anymore, and now our brains-- which I don't believe have caught up to us, have us turning on ourselves a little bit. 'What's The Meaning Of Life?'-- nobody asks what the meaning of life is when they're on the run, when they're trying to get food, when they're trying to find shelter. Now we need to know and we turn to Oprah.

"Cause now we got all the food we can eat. As a matter of fact we invented a sidewalk that goes in a circle called a treadmill, we run on it to burn off the extra food we put in our tank. It's a weird thing.

"It's like, we have so much gas, it's overflowing out of our SUVs, so at night we drive in a circle around our house for 45 minutes and try to burn off some of the excess gas."



Today's Selected Audio:
[1] The Secret Debunker, Rick Marschall-- Author of The Secret Revealed calls in to explain why the self help megaseller The Secret is baloney.
[2] The Secret Debunker Debunked-- A listener tells his story about the coinky-dental way The Secret changed his life. Then Adam does some guru-ing himself.
[3] News Segment 1-- I don't remember any of the stories, but I recall a good flow going on.
[4] Deaf Frat Guy-- I'm not too big on DFG, but I don't exactly hate him either. Today I got into the spirit of the segment.
[5] Home Improvement With Mr. Birchum-- Saved in the barrel to be shot into morning drive prime time. Why, who knows, but the addition of Mr. Birchum makes the bit a hella lot less dry.
[6] Crank Yankers-- Jimmy Florentine tries to get a free vacation via volunteering for the Salvation Army.
[7] Ray-enactment-- Adam's buddy Ray tells more of their high school tales.
[8] Is That A Monkey Under Your Ponytail?-- last news segment of the day, an Adam newsstory selection from CNN used so he can springboard into a rant.
[9] Chicken S Tickets-- Morning opener. Oh man, the 50th rant in about a month on the subject. Brian does share a good way to beat a parking ticket however.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Quote Of The Day

Teresa: Yao Ming [center for the Houston Rockets] is 7'6". He just got married in Shanghai on Monday, yesterday...
Adam (whispering): ...to Shaq.

Carolla always paints such purdy pictures. That honeymoon night would be like Godzilla and Mothra going at it. Oh the hot collateral damage.


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Gaywalking-- Parts 1 and 2.
[2] Angel Adam, Devil Danny-- I believe the segment completely broke down, can't remember for sure if they ever got around to taking their proper roles.
[3] Why Is All My Stuff Still Here?-- Adam wonders why cars aren't being broken into as much as they used to be. Not sure if that's true sir, methinks it might have something to do with the better zip codes you now reside in.
[4] Treat Your Daughters Right-- Giuliani's daughter's support of Obama makes Adam mull over parental cause and effect.
[5] Jerry Rice
[6] Same Name Game-- Reggie Bush, Barbara Bush. Get it? You're right Ace, the reason nobody's done this bit before is cause it ain't clever enough.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Quote Of The Day
During the first news segment Teresa talked about the dog mauling that happened on actor Ving Rhames's estate. Upon hearing the dog's tough-guy name (Bruno), Adam thought he had no shot at being declared innocent of killing the guy.

"I get a dog over 200 pounds, I name it Gandhi or Harriet Tubman. People will have a lot of trouble believing that Gandhi mauled a retarded child at the park. And then... 'You're going to put Gandhi to death?'...'You want to euthanize GANDHI???'"


Today's Selected Audio:
[1] Designated Ranter-- Adam takes listeners calls; they tell him the subjects they would like to rant about and, because they are too mushmouthed and dumb themselves, he does it for them. Part 2.
[2] The Baby Diary-- That's what they say the opening segment is about, I don't remember exactly, but that's not the gist. Hmm, I believe it's going out with your kids in public.
[3] Harry Shearer-- Parts 1 and 2.
[4] Music Monday-- Songs you would and would not want to enter a room by. Part 2.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Quote Of The Day
A listener called in wanting advice on how to break it to his girl that he would like her to lose some weight.

Adam: How fat did she get? How much does she weigh?
Caller: Put it this way, it's like doin' a linebacker.
Adam: Hmm... I love football so much that sounds enticing to me.

A bit later in the conversation Danny wittily brought up the whole "Do these jeans make my ass look fat?" question girls like to ask; he then delivered the standard issue bitchin' response to that, "No, it's the GIRTH OF YOUR ASS that makes you look fat!" Adam put a bit of a fresh spin in his reply--

Adam: As a matter of fact, I think if you got rid of the jeans your ass would look fatter, because it would then kick out another four to six inches.


Loved Friday's show.

[1] Adam's Advice-- Adam takes calls from listeners wanting advice, eloquently trying to show a man the way to his dream while destroying anothers.
[2] News Hype + A Crank Yank-- Danny steps out to try and deliver a gift to Nicole Richie, Teresa and Adam stretch out a little. Then Adam plays a good crank yankin starring Susie Essman.
[3] News Segment 1-- Includes a story about a man who was arrested for having sex with street signs. 'Nuff said?
[4] Teresa's Love Life-- Teresa is already moving in with her new guy. Smooth move? As part of their discussion Adam and her move to one of my favorite topics, anti-doody stench bathroom fans. Callers weigh in in Part 2.
[5] Danny Meets Nicole Richie-- I can't believe I actually got excited for a second when he got in the gate. And then again when she opened the door. Shoot me.
[6] OJ + Shredding The Company Line-- Teresa recaps OJ's interview, then Adam goofs wonderfully at some of the on-air talent that has been a part of the local station he is now affiliated with.
[7] Danny Returns-- He recaps his Nicole Richie b.s., but he and Adam then get into a somewhat interesting thing about swearing on the radio.
[8] Ode To Teresa-- Adam opens the show gushing about his right-hand woman.
[9] This Week In Rage-- New segment where Adam re-rants listener's voted favorites of the week. Nowhere near as good as the originals.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Sorry, I've just had an impacted assful of the show lately. Well, sorta. Still been listening, haven't heard any short-form quotes that have caught my fancy.

Today's Selected Audio--
[1] What Can't Adam Complain About?-- I thought they may have brought this bit back again too quick (last time they did it was last week I believe), but oh no. Maybe pound-for-pound the best installment so far. And he takes on four comers this go-round, not the normal three.